Which Way Is Up?

Americans are all born with internal compasses. If you want proof just ask directions from any American. In LA it goes something like this –

“So how do I get to your office from here?” (Me, desperately hoping this will not involve a freeway.)

“Go North on Wilshire, take Bundy south for two blocks, turn east on Sepulveda, west on Barrington and our office will be on the north side of the street.” *

Now this confuses me for a couple of reasons. First, why is the office in the future tense? Surely the building ‘is’ already on the north side of the street. Second, when I finally get out of the car, where is north? How do I know for sure? Do I just somehow sense it?

And how come if the earth is round we aren’t all clinging to the edges? Okay, I may well be clinging to the edges, because as I write, a lovely man from Rota Rooter is clearing out the drains of our house (which is on the middle of the street, on the left if you have turned right on the cross street and on the right if you have turned left.)

This is because yesterday I read an article about Feng Shui, the ancient Chinese art of placement, which made it abundantly clear that a blocked drain is a very bad thing as it symbolizes blocked finances.

I have no clue if our drains are blocked, or where they are, but as my book is about to be published I am taking no chances. Guess I have a better understanding of things mystical than physical.

* Don’t try this, I made it up by way of example and you might end up on the freeway, or in the ocean. Not sure which would be worse.

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