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January 2014

How to Have Orgasmic Sex with Strangers

A producer friend of mine has invited me to an orgasmic meditation demonstration by Nicole Daedone on Friday night. I live in LA and keen as I am to dispel myths and misrepresentations and to defend this beautiful city of ours, I must mention that in all my years living in England this kind of invitation was never forthcoming.

Unfamiliar with the term and intrigued, I embarked on some research. A quick Google takes you straight to a video on The Huffington Post where a female doctor and a male stroker  (work that job title out for yourself please…) discuss the cosmic connection, enhanced well- being and ecstasy that is to be experienced by following Nicole’s method for achieving orgasmic bliss.

The practice involves taking off your pants (knickers) and allowing a complete stranger (male) called a stroker to stroke your clitoris. A female doctor, an actress and a certified… (or was it ‘certifiable’?) coach/stroker assure you that this is a perfect way to experience a cosmic spiritual connection and that it is an ancient form of meditation used in some forms of Buddhism. That might go some way to explaining the ‘off the shoulder’ robes I suppose.

Call me old fashioned, but my idea of a great night out is not sitting in an audience watching another woman reach her climax.

I’m also not a big fan of audience participation. I mean, I’m keen for my fifteen minutes of fame and apparently that’s exactly how long you get  ‘stroked’ for… but I’d always imagined I would be wearing an evening gown and standing up for the ovation.

Check it out though. I watched long enough to reach the conclusion that the world has gone mad but I felt it a kind of public duty to share. Apparently Nicole’s business is growing rapidly, with 120 coaches and nine centers across the globe. You may even want to sign up for their Mastery Program and become a stroker. I’m sure you’d be very popular at dinner parties.

I have politely declined. I’m settling for an episode of Revenge and a glass of Sancerre. I think that will probably get me closer to Nirvana on Friday night.

My friend Jodi Rose suggested you might enjoy singing along with Clarence – enjoy…

Back By Popular Demand

smegHappy New Year! I hope you had a wonderful 2013. I missed you. I thought a quick review of last year’s resolutions would be in order. They were –

  1. Drink less Sancerre
  2. Exercise daily
  3. Write a thousand words of new book daily
  4. Meditate daily
  5. Change from AOL to Gmail.
  6. Quit Chewing Nicorette gum.
  7. Cancel the gym membership at Equinox taken out with good intentions in January 2011
  8.  Stop procrastinating.

So how did I do?

  1. Drink less Sancerre. – We’ll come back to that one in a minute.
  2. Exercise daily – This proved incompatible with number 7.
  3. Write a thousand words of new book daily – Er…not exactly daily, due to my failure to stick to number 1 on several occasions though I did write monthly both day and night the closer it got to the publisher’s deadline.
  4. Meditate daily – I did meditate, but only on my fondness for Sancerre. The enlightenment that followed involved total acceptance. I became at peace with my muse and purchased a candy colored pink Smeg fridge in its honor. Two gleaming shelves are now entirely devoted to Sancerre.
  5. Change from AOL to Gmail. – My email address remains unchanged.
  6. Quit Chewing Nicorette gum – Despite my utter lack of self-control in certain areas, I did in fact WRITE A BOOK !!! Yes. I know, however, I wrote it while chewing my way through boxes of Nicorette gum.
  7. Cancel gym membership – Canceled.
  8. Stop procrastinating – So it would appear that the only resolution I managed to keep all last year was to cancel my gym membership, which I put off until November.

SancerreSo enough of this, let’s get on to the positive stuff now. I’m very happy to be able tell you that Letter From Paris will be published in June. It’s the sequel to India’s Summer and will be coming to an Internet near you. I’m making absolutely no resolutions other than to post blogs every week. I have so many tales from LA for your delight and delectation and much to share from my recent sojourn in Paris…so until next week it’s a bientot mes amis. Bisous. Bonne Années and Bon Chance with your own resolutions.